City of Chicago, dry your eyes! There's a hero landing.

Well, sort of. He goes by the name Doug Collins, and he's like the Captain Planet of heroes. While the Bulls need a coach, I'm not sure this guy is the one they wanted coming to save the day. I mean, these guys are dealing with Doctor-fucking-Octagon, and along comes Captain Planet to lecture him on how his arms could have been made out of recycled aluminums. Plus, before Captain Planet - earth sucked. After Captain Planet? It's even worse. And at this point, Al Gore is probably a better candidate to save the Bulls.
I honestly don't know what's wrong with John Paxson. I made friends working at the Dairy Queen when I was 16, however I'm not calling any of them up and asking them to perform surgery on any of my patients tomorrow. (yes, I'm a surgeon. And an astronaut.) This blast from the past mentality might just be a great plan, though. I'm no GM, and I wouldn't object if the Bulls signed Horace Grant or Luc Longley to make a run at another championship. Could be because I'm not a Bulls fan. I'm beginning to think Paxson isn't either.
Meanwhile, Mike Ditka checks his phone every 30 seconds, and Tommy Lasorda is meeting with the LA Dodgers later this evening.

Jake Jetson