Immediately following the controversial 'no foul' call on Brent Barry in game 4 of the Western Conference Finals, I knew only one man could lay all our San Antonio fans to sleep knowing the no-call, was the right call. So I dialed the big fella up. Unfortunately, he still doesn't have a cell phone so I'll have to make up what he would have said. (cell phones are illegal in his home country, Zaire. I'm sure.)
Jake Jetson: Hi, Dikembe. It's Jake Jetson from Drunk'n'Dunkin'. I know you're busy with off-season duties, but I had to get your insight on the controversy that just spawned from a no-foul call in the Lakers game. I assume you were watching?
Dikembe Mutombo: What? Dikembe no foul!?
JJ: No, no, not you Dikembe. Derek Fisher bumped Brent Barry pretty hard after biting on a pump fake. Did you see the game?
Dikembe Mutombo: Yes. I watch. Dikembe no foul.
JJ: You no foul?
Dikembe Mutombo: Yes.
JJ: So Derek Fisher didn't foul Brent Barry? Or are you saying you didn't foul Brent Barry?
Dikembe Mutombo: I no foul. Dikembe no foul.
JJ: Alright, well there you have it. No foul. Thanks for your time Dikembe. I'll holla!
Dikembe Mutombo: Bye.
So, if instant replays weren't enough, I think it's pretty clear to see: No foul. Coach Greg Popavich says so, Tim Duncan says so, Brent Barry says so, Kobe says so, but most importantly - Dikembe Mutombo says so. And Dikembe has never lied about a single foul call in his life. Disagree with him, and you'll wake up in a room full of roosters, candles, and with your heart missing. Some say they'd allow Dikembe to ref NBA games but he doesn't believe in goal tending, or wearing white stripes unless it's authentic zebra skin.
Jake Jetson
As the Lakers go in to game 4 with a 2-1 lead vs the Spurs, many questions will be lingering. One of those questions being, 'Just how good is Kobe Bryant?'. Sure, he can score 81 points in a single game, jump vehicles, pools, and is a God with the ladies - but can he, with only Rodmonovich as his side-kick, defeat the defending champions? If you missed games 1 and 3, you may not be familiar with this new Spurs team. Sure, they added Ime Udoka, but the addition that flew under everyone's radar was the signing of Lamar Odom, who provides the Spurs with 12 extra rebounds, 26 points, and 5 takeaways per night. Those aren't Hakeem Olajuwon numbers, but they're close - and Lamar Odom doesn't even have to try.
A couple more games like Odom played in games 1 and 3, and this Spurs team could be well on their way to another championship. Yes, we understand there's a team in the east to deal with, but we're talking championships, so please - stay with us here. Meanwhile, Ginobili is shooting the lights out, Tony Parker found a jumpshot (probably in the closet he's hiding in), and Tim Duncan hasn't seen defense since round1...of 2004. So, not only does Kobe Bryant have to beat 6 players by himself, but he also has to contact his arch rival, God and convince him to stop making Ginobili's shots fall in.
Seriously, this is like those old McDonalds commercials with Bird and Jordan playing horse. But, Ginobili would beat them, because he doesn't even have to look, stand up, or shoot with his hands. I'm convinced at this point he could flop, and tip a ball in from half court, drawing the first offensive foul And1 opportunity in the history of basketball.
Tune in to see how the stars are aligned. If you're bored, just play the classic drinking game - 1 shot for a Ginobili flop, 1 shot for a "Whut I do no do not'ting!" hand gesture from Ginobili, 1 shot for a Gasol fist-pump, 1 shot for a Lamar Odom missed lay-up, and 2 pints for every time Kobe is fouled. (the refs actually have to blow the whistle though, so don't worry about it)
Jake Jetson
