THE Ohio State Penitentiary

The Ohio State Buckeyes reach a milestone that not even the SEC can rival this week, as their criminal count reached 30 over a mere 7 years since Jim Tressel took over the team. 30 of Jim's athletes have had run-ins with the law, but Tressel is optimistic that they can reach 50 within another 2 seasons. The "Dirty Thirty", as they're being called around the internet, mark a milestone that other teams sports-world wide are calling the most impressive collection of criminals in the history of all sports. This includes the 90's Dallas Cowboys, the current SEC Conference (due to 'per capita' statistics), Cincinnati Bengals and NBA Officials.
Defensive tackle, Doug Worthington was the player responsible for this accomplishment, and when asked about the feat he was reluctant to accept the credit.
"Well, this was a team effort. We've come a long way since 2001. My teammates all put in their work, and I thought someone else would break the big 30 before I did, but it's just the way the cards fell. I've got to give credit to Maurice Clarrett, Troy Smith, and Louis Irizarry for teaching us to never give up. Also, coach Tressel for giving us the funds to pre-pay all our bail-bonds. WE NUMBER 1!" said Worthington.
Somewhere, OJ Simpson has a tear in his eye, knowing there's a place where criminal athletes are accepted, embraced, and given a shot at winning with no restrictions, and that place is The University of Ohio State (if you ask Tyrelle Pryor, at least).

This should be a big year for the Buckeyes, and maybe 30 will be their lucky number, as their team is stacked with loads of talent, and guys with more street cred than Kimbo Slice. I think they'd play better in uniforms they're more comfortable in though. Maybe something with more stripes, or that Tennessee orange they wear during the week.

Jake Jetson