Brett Favre to Make Return

Shocking, right? So shocking that it hasn't been officially announced yet, but I'm officially announcing it: Brett Favre is coming back. We knew it last season, and we know it now. And by chance he doesn't return, he'll at least make sure his name pops up every week on ESPN. I can see it now, week 16 as the Green Bay Packers are 15-0 under Aaron Rodgers, A dark silhouette appears on the titan-tron. A WWE type intro sounds, and the number 4 flashes on the scoreboard monitor. But not only the monitor - every number on the scoreboard is now a 4. Not enough? A zip chord lowers a trench coat wearing Favre from the sky and he lands at midfield - pointing a baseball bat at Aaron Rodgers. Getting chills yet? Flashing that famous smile he removes the coat and holds his hand up to receive the game ball. Oh now it's on! I don't want to ruin the story for you, but the Packers lose the next 2 games ending their season.
Brett is the Packers' creepy ex-boyfriend. Sure, he claims he's going to leave them alone and is ready to move on, but as soon as you're sipping daquiries with Aaron Rodgers, there you see him, peeking from the bushes with night-vision goggles on and full camo- at 12 noon. You wont hear from him for months, but then you get a text message during your honeymoon, explaining how he's changed. His friends tell you that he's got an "itch", but that only scares you a little. You can tell him that it's not him, it's you as many times as you want, but he just doesn't get it. Truth is - nobody likes a saggy sack, and changing diapers isn't something rookies should have to endure during their hazings. The Packers want a young man with endurance and potential. They've got one, but Pappy thinks because he bought you a few things that the relationship should only end on his terms.
Now, I apologize for making Brett Favre sex analogies, but it's the easiest one I can think of. Probably because I'm a disgusting pervert. Or because Brett Favre in Wranglers screams 'sex'. It's not my fault.

Now I wait for Brett to sign with the Vikings or Lions. Trying to make the ex-jealous. But Brett can't win in a dome, and is now officially Madden cursed, so hilarity should ensue. This will be as funny as McNair playing for the Ravens. Speaking of - aren't these guys friends? C'mon Mac, your pal needs some advice. Help the guy out.

Jake Jetson